There are people that say the Inuit have hundreds of words for snow….. When I first heard that it made me wonder how many words does it take to say “Let’s move someplace that’s fucking warm?”

I’m not a huge sports fan…..The only sport I really follow for a whole season is the NFL….. It’s funny because the rest of the year I may go to an occassional baseball game or watch some hockey but I don’t really get into it like with football….

So of course my wife always seems to like to try and talk to me during the football games….. it drives you nuts right?!….. the fans of the game know what I mean….

I found a good way to balance the equation though…. being a math and computer geek it’s always about balance you know…. I’ve gotta “balance that equation”…..

I like to ask her random questions now when she’s watching Desperate Housewives…. Or now she’s also into Army Wives,… in our house I’ve taught my son’s to call it “Stupid Army Wives” just to bug her,….. It annoys her cause I’ll watch 2 minutes of either of these show’s with her and then tell her what the plot is going to be for the rest of the season with a particular character….. she claims that ruins the show…. I ruined “All My Children” for her that way when we were first dating while she was in college…  I told her one time what was going to happen to some guy on the show… The usual stuff, he’s gonna get a head injury, get amnesia, go missing for a month then come back and still not know who he is for the next 6 months…. When the whole thing came to pass like I told her it would… She got so pissed off she never watched the show again…. I’m just trying to save her time……

She can’t do that with my football season’s thought…. If she could I guarantee you we’d be living alot closer to Vegas!!!

But it’s all about Balance folks….

Did you hear about this Austrian guy, Josef Fritzel Fritzl ?…. What a freaky dude this guy is…. he held his own daughter captive for 24 years in a cellar,…locked behind a soundproof door with keyless entry.  From the time she was 18 this poor woman was forced to have 7 kids with her own father…..

I read this in the paper and I remember thinking, “You know my Mom made me live in a basement too.”… So I immediately picked up the phone and called her to thank her for giving me a WORKING DOOR……… and also the complete LACK of sexual abuse…. The story had broken close to Mother’s Day so I had to call her anyway… we talked for 45 minutes…

The other thing this story made me think of… when I saw the pictures of this incredibly packed, small living space that 8 people were forced to live in at various times.. was that this guy was a REALLY talented carpenter!!!…. No really, he had a functioning kitchen, shower, toilet and bedroom down there….what a master of spatial relationships this guy is…. If only he had put it to some good use on something like closet organization or fung shue for cubicles perhaps…. instead of torturing his own progeny right?!?!

But then again he is Austrian…. These were pretty much the same people who rolled over for the Nazi’s like a drunken college girl confronted by the “Girls Gone Wild” crew!!!…. Here sign this release…..

(You know it’s really hard to work in the Nazi Party and Girl’s Gone Wild into the same joke so I hope you like that one.)

Did you ever drink till you were black out drunk?……   Yeah, I can’t remember if I have either….. I mean I’ve heard stories… so apparently I have…

What’s the worst is when you hear about something you did when you were pissed and you know what the drunk you was doing, or should I say trying to do,… but explaining it would be even MORE embarrassing than  just continuing to act like it was the random act of a RAGING ALCOHOLIC!!!!!

The government and President Bush have now ruined porn for me now….. I was watching a ‘film’ the other night with my wife, I think it was ‘Chica Boom 36′….perhaps 37….. The point is one of the scenes concerns a young woman who is being arrested and during the scene, before she can begin to try and “figure out something she can do to stay out of jail”,  we find out that they tapped her phone using the Patriot Act…..  I hear Patriot Act then I think George Bush then NO MORE WOOD!!!

So thanks for ruining adult films for everyone Mr. President…..how could someone who’s such a dick be so against adult entertainment?!?!?!