What’s with Cali and the 40 ounce?

I got no “homies” to spill half of this out for,…   that’s why in Florida I only got 16 oz cans…

But those are not available here… I need to meet and befriend more gang members so I can have someone to spill out half of my 40’s for…    eventually...

How’s this sound as an opener as I walk up, “Why Hello there my “Homie” ,…

How’s the gat, in your parlance if you’ll excuse the phrase, hangin’ holmes?”…

I think it shall go well…

A friend of mine didn’t care for this joke, because apparently all jokes are real and I mostly drink Guinness when I drink beer and they don’t actually sell 40 oz’ers…

So I told him, “You know what, your right.  I actually need to meet more Irish Gangsters,… specifically turn of the century Irish Gangsters.  Sort of a Daniel Day Lewis  ‘Bill the Butcher’ type from Gangs of New York”…

I haven’t been to New York in a couple years do they still have that?…   Guys strolling around the City with Meat Cleavers and other tools used in the industrial slaughter of animals?…

If they don’t I’m not sure how I’m going to make this joke real…


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I tend to go to Vegas or Reno as it’s nearer, on occasion, as they’re a mecca of decadence and ‘proof in practice’ of the capitalist pig dog system into which I had the good fortune of being born.  I enjoy the rancor and noise as it’s usually going on in MY HEAD anyway so I like to see OTHERS experience it as a physical reality and try to concentrate as I have to on a daily basis.

Though I tend to spend most of my time at the Craps tables, where the smart bettor can make money no matter what way the dice are rolling, but occasionally I’ll go to the Blackjack table too.  In order to lick my wounds and make my money back after falling victim to being near a moron at the Craps table…  You’ve seen them, they shouldn’t be allowed on the floor, it’s like you feel the ice once a cooler rolls into the place.

I have however noticed an improvement when I decide to go to the sports book and bet some games.  Now sports betting is the ONE stupid thing I’ll do at a casino, and it’s ONLY on the NFL…  I never used to bet on it, sports betting is one of the worst odds bets in the world.  No matter how good the team all you need is for a moron like T.O., that’s Terrell Owens not Tom Osborne, to screw it up and blow all the odds off the board by dropping the ball!  I mean it’s like people totally forget that they pay people to just blow the spread, you don’t even have to lose the game, just don’t beat the spread.  Win by 6 instead of 7 or more and a LOT of people don’t win BUT the people who bet AGAINST the spread do.  Does no one remember the Boston College basketball scandals?  Poor Henry Hill, unless he’s on Howard Stern no one remembers him enough to want to whack him…

But the point is that thanks to Fantasy Football, when I do want to bet on football now it’s generally a much quicker experience.  It’s probably helped to save the sports books in Nevada, not just Fantasy Football but Baseball, NHL and even NASCAR.  They all have fantasy leagues, which leads to people knowing alot more about a particular sport just on a general knowledge basis.  It’s just a fact.  Your researching for your free leagues, I know I do it too.  The fact remains however that humans like to put knowledge to USE.  It’s in our ‘nature’ to want to apply that knowledge to good and productive effort.  Beating someone else out of some green seems a natural and healthy way to do so while not just sitting for hours on end in a casino.  See you can bet on sports in the morning before the odds change then go out with the kids to one of the MANY fine places to take the kids in the new “family friendly” Las Vegas…  Yeah, that was a poorly conceived ad campaign.  Vegas is no fun for kids, it’s really not alot of fun for short people in general.  My spouse is well lets just say she’s not tall, ALOT not tall, she’s as short as a woman can be and still get into the U.S. Army…  But it makes me, as an ‘average height’ American male, feel incredibly HUGE.  So that’s what’s important here.

So go to Vegas America, this next Great Depression we’re seeing on the horizon can be stopped from out there in the desert.  All you need is a BIG wad of stinky green cash, a bunch of weed, several cases of poppers, some good mescaline and crushed up ‘No-Doze’ to snort when the Coke runs out, cause ALL THE BOOZE IS FREE WHILE YOUR GAMBLING (this INCLUDES Wild Turkey Rare Breed)!!!

It’s where W plans to put up his Presidential Library as soon as he falls off the wagon.  At least this will be a retirement to see, the public reversion to the slime from whence he came, it’s a good thing Sinatra is dead.  Word on the street is George W. owed him 50K from a night of binging in the old Flamingo back in the late 70’s.  Frank Sr. woulda whacked him and there is nothing 41 coulda done about it.  Cause it’s ‘old school’.


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Ok, now I was alive when this was considered by some, much like disco, to be ‘cool’ or ‘happenin’…  I watched over the death of both disco and bands like this with a perverse glee actually…

Styx is possibly the only proof that Satan exists in SOME form….  If that were the case then it would of course prove the existence of a ‘God’ or ‘Dude who spouts some really weird and twisted concepts Man’…  Depending on your personal belief system and current alcohol/drug content…

Of course, I say ‘possibly the only proof’ because considering some of the current ‘hot artists’ out there…  Well, I’m PERSONALLY certain it’s really just a random equation….  Sort of like the lottery,….    it’s based on participation and also whether or not your willing to buy bigger boobs…


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Jessica Simpson has recently become the spokesperson for a beer company in Texas….

It just seems cruel to me….  Giving all those guys out there with beer goggles HOPE that they’ll wake up with someone that looks like her…  That is the definition of cruel, no?

I mean I know she’s not what you could call a ‘deep vessel’ philosophically…..  None the less I wouldn’t mind probing her depths elsewhere….   What, I don’t want her to talk!!

Plus I don’t have a career in music OR sports that she can jinx so I’m really kind of golden on the ‘mating’ with Jessica Simpson front….   And I gotta admit, I’d really love to just have the chance to bitch slap her Dad for interfering in my relationship….  What a freak that guy is….  Why doesn’t he just get it over and rape his poor daughters…..    The guy is more fixated on his own daughters than all the 12 to 14 year old boys out there that are using them for masturbatory fantasy material combined…..

I wonder how many posters old Joe Simpson has of his daughters on the ceiling???…  I’m just curious.


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I honestly don’t drink too much anymore….  Occasionally, each night,…. But it honestly just doesn’t agree with my family….   My Dad once tackled a Christmas tree, just to give you a little history there….

It sounds funny till you get to pick the broken ornamental glass out of someones ASS….  But he eventually gave up the drink,…  A couple of times….  But in the end he spent his last 15 years or so sober so good for him….

I still like tackling the trees though, it’s just Tradition and I’m a Traditional guy.


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I quit drinking recently…..

About 10 to 15 minutes ago,….. right over there by the bar!!

(This is actually a segue into my Black Out Drunk bit)


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