An Executive Assistant with ‘do not disturb orders’ holds off a Zombie horde as his boss is oblivious and continually interrupting defensive efforts with personal requests.


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What’s with Cali and the 40 ounce?

I got no “homies” to spill half of this out for,…   that’s why in Florida I only got 16 oz cans…

But those are not available here… I need to meet and befriend more gang members so I can have someone to spill out half of my 40’s for…    eventually...

How’s this sound as an opener as I walk up, “Why Hello there my “Homie” ,…

How’s the gat, in your parlance if you’ll excuse the phrase, hangin’ holmes?”…

I think it shall go well…

A friend of mine didn’t care for this joke, because apparently all jokes are real and I mostly drink Guinness when I drink beer and they don’t actually sell 40 oz’ers…

So I told him, “You know what, your right.  I actually need to meet more Irish Gangsters,… specifically turn of the century Irish Gangsters.  Sort of a Daniel Day Lewis  ‘Bill the Butcher’ type from Gangs of New York”…

I haven’t been to New York in a couple years do they still have that?…   Guys strolling around the City with Meat Cleavers and other tools used in the industrial slaughter of animals?…

If they don’t I’m not sure how I’m going to make this joke real…


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William Morris Endeavor Agency dropped Mel Gibson as a client,…

I never thought I’d say this but Ari Emanuel has more heart than Dick Cheney


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1-Steven Seagal explains string theory reality show.

2- Oil Spill Prevention Jeopardy. Contestants are BP Executive, Conservative Pro Oil Republican and a Fox News Correspondent.  All answers that cost BP corporate cash will not be answered correctly.  But they will all do well/be competitive on either Lady Gaga or Potpourri category.

3-Forrest Gump Bubba Gump Shrimp Ad-post Oil Spill.

4-Fox News interviewing a Sr. BP Scientific Guest presenting evidence proving sea life and animals are not in fact being killed by the Oil Spill or dispersant but instead auto erotic asphyxia.  ex- Dr: “Based on what we’re finding, apparently an Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphin is to blame for destroying the well head. In an attempt to cut off his own oxygen Chet” reporter Chet: “Why would he do that Dr. Coverupvenclosen?”.  Dr: “Well Chet, Bottlenose Dolphin’s can’t tie a knot and have no belts or door knobs to hang themselves from.”

5-Bush & Son a Sanford and Son parody with GHW and W in the lead roles, the junk yard they are roaming about during the credits is the entire U.S. various locations picking trash. To include Dick Cheney in the Aunt Esther role and Condoleezza Rice as W’s date for the episode.

6-Obama in a Breaking Bad parody.  He’s cooking while in office but got into producing meth not because of cancer but to pay for the US economic recovery.

7-Biography Episode segment of Bombshell McGee re-enactment of her Rumspringa ‘experience’.

8-Dexter/Wall Street mashup parody-He’s stalking Wall Street for victim companies to acquire and dismember (sell off) . Or could go the other way with Dexter character being a sociopathic business head (Madoff type) in the news who’s victims are investors.

9-Two couples out for dinner after seeing the film Marmaduke starring Owen Wilson.  3 of the people think the film is genius/oscar worthy/argue it’s artistic merit and message. 4th person is certain it’s crap but likes the funny kitty because he thinks it gave George Lopez a kidney.

10-Exxon Valdez Captain doing a live radio interview, he’s depressed, apologetic and beaten down after 20 some odd years.  While interview is going current BP Oil Spill story breaks, his attitude begins dramatically improving with each report and he gets cockier with each question as the interview and interlaced news flashes continue.

11-Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson in ‘heaven’ talking about what’s happened/happening on Earth RE: Oil Spill, Fawcett/Jackson coverage differences on day of death and anniversary, difference in lives: Molestation of boys accusations/Giving boys fantasy “material”, compare films (boths films suck so that’s a wash)

12-“Losing it with Jillian” parody where she meets her match in a family of just massive and lethargic flesh.  Whole thing declines to the point she gains 25 pounds, gets suicidally depressed, quits the show and training as a vocation by the end of her 3 weeks with the family.

13-Cocky Rocky Jockey-Parody Commercial for a male alternative to the Booty Pop Panties that make women have a bigger butt.

14-An alley way mugging by a modernized teen version of ‘Our Gang’ with the same names, styles and clothes but using current terminology and references.

15-A ‘Truckers Health Fair’ at a Truck Stop: ex.- “Doc I got this ‘Black Toe’ that smells like cheese and oozes till my boots are full before my days driving is done.”  Parade of out of date/overly severe/out of context ailments: leprosy, black death, hemophiliac with a hickey & a hot date…

16-A Post Pot Legalization California where the Fox News pundits predictions have come true. California has become an Apocalyptic yet Lethargic Wasteland ala’ Escape from New York with little or no ‘energy’.

17-Compulsively lying Russian spies (say, oh I don’t know, 12 for example) sending outrageous lie filled reports back home in order to remain in the USA because even a depression riddled America is better than a fully employed Russia.  Possibly even a Russian Spies ‘brainstorming’ session of their lie filled reports.

18-Lindsay Lohan goes to jail and is just a total bad ass prison ‘gang lord’ (think OZ and Gilmore Girls).

19-The Jolie/Pitts and kids go to Chuckie Cheese’s for the day and their kids are just total racists, rude and spoiled brats to everyone (including their parents) except when a camera is pointed in their direction.

20-President Obama calls a late night ‘Easy No Collateral Loan’ commercial number. Goes through all the phone screen and voice prompts & is refused because the US is bad credit risk under current federal loan requirements.

21-College Cheating ‘Epidemic': Two testing room monitors and students in a room with a video camera in corner. After explaining testing procedure and starting once one monitor leaves room other monitor goes under video camera and takes digital photo of room, prints copy and hangs it in front of camera. Immediately begins auctioning off specific question answers to highest bidder. Some students protest/ethics, others buy. As questions go along opening bids start higher. Eventually busted, cheating monitor taken out in cuffs. Dean and other monitor give out new tests. Once monitor leaves Dean of Students begins the auction process/cover up again.

22-Two Bees in Napa Valley that are Honey Snobs/Hipsters & oblivious to national “Colony Collapse Disorder”.  Actually an allegory for Republicans & recession denial.

23-Mel Gibson, Joran Van Der Sloot, Lindsay Lohan & Sarah Palin in Impulse Control 12 step group. Each person is sentenced there by the court except Palin who’s been sent there by the RNC due to her ‘Twitter & Facebook Comments and just generally speaking in any public forum/setting”.

24-The Jonas Brothers producing a Death Row Records Christmas Cover album recording session.  Various Rap Artists.  Jonas Bros insist on being called MCJB (no matter which one) and are complete hard asses/thugs that all the gansta rappers are afraid of.

25-Beach Blanket Bingo film set but it’s in the Florida of today.  So the beaches are black, oil covered and Annette Funicello still has MS so she just lays there like an oil soaked seal unable to move doing her lines the entire sketch.

26-(Bonus) Billy Mays from Hell/Purgatory selling Hoof and Horn conditioning/cleaning products.


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