So the Pope thinks Avatar is sappy and over simplified…
You’d think he’d love it, as the entire text he’s devoted his life too IS ALSO sappy and over simplified…   But WAIT,  it’s also got BAD POETRY AND IS WAAAYYY TOO MUCH OF A DOWNER IN THE END!!!…
SO, I’m gonna spend my money on Avatar in 3-D IMAX…..     at least until the Pope gets production values in the Vatican up to ‘Piranha part 2: The Spawning’ standards before I start considering him for bigger projects…

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He’s always upstaged by that damned Walrus….

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Well, it’s been a busy day, the world didn’t end due to man’s ‘foolish attempts to play god’….    So I’ve been returning all kinds of stuff cause I ran up the credit cards in anticipation of the end of the world….  I was really sad to see the Kiss Kasket go back out the door…  I was looking forward to using Gene’s suggestion of letting it function as a coffee table/cooler/conversation piece till my final repose….  Hopefully, this return won’t jeopardize my rating on eBay….

The other reason for the busy day is phone calls and interviews….  I’ve been looking for a new contract gig so it kind of ‘cramps’ my writing and creativity when I’m talking about Exchange 2003, Desktop Systems, Database issues and MS OS’s….   It’s a long story, but luckily for you I’ve detailed it all previously here….  And you probably thought that working with computers was all GLAMOR….  It’s a great gig when your working and a massive pain in the butt when your looking….  Yeah, I know, waa, waa, waa….   Plus, there was NO GOOD PORN to rent on cable this afternoon when the wife and I wanted to….  Well, you know the kids were at school so…

So due to my lack of creativity today I’m going to ‘phone it in’ with a little story from the Wichita Eagle police blotter on June 14th of 2008:

Police were called to a home in Wichita, Kan., in June after two young men had been arguing over which was more deserving of the street name C-Thug. The fight ended when a woman old enough to be their mother came along and stabbed one of the “thugs.” [Wichita Eagle, 6-14-08]


So we’ve got THAT going for us in the ‘heartland’…..   Keep it real out there Mommy’s…

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First let me say that I like both these show’s already so it’s just funny to me…   I like ’30 Rock’ cause Tina Fey is both hot and funny, the writing is always good and so is the ensemble….  ‘My Name is Earl’ has been great too, though there were a couple episodes I didn’t like last year, but no one is 100%….

So currently Alec Baldwin and Greg Garcia are ‘trading barbs’ publicly…

But didn’t people learn that Alec Baldwin was a total dick back in the 80’s after ‘The Hunt For Red October’….  He got all full of himself and ‘negotiated’ himself right out of one of the best written, produced and money making film series EVER!!!…   I mean ok, let’s leave out the kid issue cause it was really just the work of a vindictive ex-spouse and hey I’ve been there….  Even without that, the dude just seems to be a big dick in public situations ALOT…  and this is coming from me, I hear ‘your a dick’ quite a bit too…  I’m just betting he hears it MORE…   And he always seems to get the ‘fires’ going every time he starts to get a little acclaim again…

It’s also funny to me cause Baldwin got his insult wrong, Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee are both Scientologists, not Greg Garcia…  Which well I just really don’t want to get into today…  I like them both as I first saw them both in Kevin Smith films and well that’s just a soft spot for me so they get a pass on this one…

But we all know how anal I am about ‘getting it right’…   So let’s learn to use google and out there Mr. Baldwin, BEFORE we fire off our ‘witty retorts’….

It’s probably all a press stunt to drive ratings anyway…

Hollywood kind of makes me laugh at times in that so many in the industry are so quick to work with assholes and pederasts, ala Woody Allen…  I mean I still wouldn’t want the guy near my kids, even though they’re not Asian and he has trouble with mobility…  But if you read that link to an article you’ll see how he KNOWS what he did is sick and wrong but he say’s it was his ‘luckiest break’….  he’s a pedophile.

Roman Polanski???  Again, not going to be babysitting for my family if I’m ever in Europe on tour…  I don’t care if they are ‘sensitive’ and ‘artistic’ geniuses….  Stay away from the little people perverts!!!  I don’t care HOW LONG ago it was, your still a freak…  I’m sorry about his past, it’s horrid, but 13 year old girls???  Your sick, find an 18 year old who LOOKS young if that’s your thing, but real kids!!!  Your damaging another generation jerk wad…

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Basically, just for giggles, we’re going to take someone else’s ‘proof of concept’ and do a little inverse ‘Folgers Crystals’ hidden taste test….

We will be looking to see how many times we get hit via Google searches,….  Any search engines actually, from the ‘good folk on the right’ looking for proof of what a ‘mean’ and ‘bad man’ Mr. Obama truly is by loading up on words and phrases we think might be searched:

Barack Obama caught

Barack Obama nude

Barack Obama cheats

Barack Obama hates cheese and cheese by products, lactose intolerant

Barack Obama and Dick Cheney have secret love child

Barack Obama and Regis have flipper baby

Barack Obama prefers Kathie Lee Gifford over Kelly Ripa

Barack Obama possibly not ‘white’

Barack Obama too white

Barack Obama stars in gay porn video, that’s for you Idaho constituents out there…

Barack Obama and Sarah Palin love triangle

Barack Obama and Joseph Biden love triangle

Barack Obama and Dick Cheney caught in uncomfortable position….  in the back seat of a Volkswagen

Barack Obama eats chitlins and greens

Barack Obama hates chitlins and greens

Barack Obama’s favorite chitlin recipe or recipes

Barack Obama kills racist watermelon farmer

Barack Obama has less experience than Sarah Palin, at least ‘mayoring’ in podunk Alaska

Barack Obama has more experience than Sarah Palin, but still fewer mistakes and missteps

Barack Obama has equal experience as Sarah Palin, yet is still FAR more impressive

Barack Obama wears boxers

Barack Obama wears briefs

Barack Obama wears thong

Barack Obama is a ‘free rider’

Barack Obama is gay

Barack Obama is straight

Barack Obama is ‘slightly’ bent

Barack Obama is a 90 degree angle

Barack Obama is a rhombus

Barack Obama democrat

Barack Obama communist

Barack Obama socialist

Barack Obama feudal lord

Barack Obama town crier

Barack Obama Queen of the Desert

Barack Obama molests farm animals

Barack Obama bestiality video

Barack Obama inter species erotica video

Barack Obama hates Han Solo

Barack, Barack, I can’t make exceptions. What if everyone who smuggled for me dropped their cargo at the first sign of an Imperial Starship. It’s not good business. (Jabba said this to Barack on Tatooine right before he and Chewie helped Luke and Obi-Wan escape to Alderaan, Star Wars IV: A New Hope)

Barack Obama thinks Darth Vader is a jerk

Baracl Obama, Darth Vader and Wookie love triangle

Barack is a doodie head

Barack Obama is not a member of Mensa

Barack Obama is a member of Mensa

Michelle Obama has started her monthly Mensa

Sarah Palin lives in a perpetual state of ‘monthly’ Mensa

Barack Obama prom night dumpster baby scandal

Barack Obama homecoming night dumpster baby scandal

Barack Obama EATS baby and placenta

Barack Obama TREATS baby and uses placenta for stem cell research to cure cancer

Barack Obama causes cancer

Barack Obama eats cancer

Barack Obama is really Kurt Cobain

Barack Obama sues Foo Fighters for copyright infringment

Barack Obama topless, bottomless, shameless, fergalicious

Barack Obama aborts third term lunch period

OK, I think we’ve got enough to work with here….  I’ll post the numbers in the comments next week.

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I can blame my encyclopedic knowledge of obscure and horrid 80’s films for realizing the frightening truth of this conspiracy,….   my spouse feels a ‘dream job’ for me would be a ‘Beer Master/Film Critic’….

Over the course of the last few days, as Sarah Palin’s life has become the ‘open book’ that is American Politics….  I’m sure Jefferson, Washington and Adams would be thrilled with our progress….   In that we can smear ALL people much more efficiently now…

As a father of a kid with Down Syndrome I don’t much sympathize for her…  She’s chosen her career over a kid that needs extra care from the people who love him the most, my wife and I readjusted our lives and changed careers so we could have more flexibility to provide for him…  We didn’t expect it, but we’ve become a better family for it…

So her other kid’s pregnancy I can also relate to as that happened to me as well, I’m sorry for the daughter, I’m sorry for the boyfriend, the kid’s a hockey player, who’s getting a ‘shotgun wedding‘ (though his myspace page was great, as he was honest in saying he didn’t want a kid and of course they made him take it down, but I’m sure you could Google a story on it)…

So hearing all this I’m thinking “You know, the Republican party REALLY IS the traditional party.”…  I mean I haven’t seen a good forced marriage since I was in hillbilly country (southern Indiana, N. Kentucky)…  I mean I’ve had ‘corn squeezin’s‘ before, it’s great stuff too, once your vision comes back…

Some of my family’s most dysfunctional situations started out JUST like those kid’s so GOD BLESS EM  I say…  There aren’t ENOUGH angry young parents out there to beat their kid’s now a day’s right?

I’m also listening and it hits me…  This WHOLE THING is the script from one of Rob Lowe’s FINEST films of the 80’s ‘Youngblood‘, which also stars Cynthia Gibb, so YOU KNOW IT’s gotta be great…  Actually, I believe she is topless in this one so it may be worth viewing again on fast forward…  But that’s beside the point…

So now I’ve realized the DEPTH of the Republinazi’s conspiracy…  Spread the word people…  Keep your eye’s out in the news for upcoming sure fire moments from the Republican party…

I heard a woman on the news from Minnesota (don’t cha know)…  Talking about how she likes Palin cause she’s ‘entertaining’…  Great, this stupid bitch is going to vote for McCain cause she feel’s it’s the party that’s gonna give her more ‘Desperate Housewives‘ moments when she watches the news…  What the hell is wrong with the other citizens in my county???

It’s like they’ve (the RNC) directly lifted the passage from ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy‘….  “The president’s REAL job is to distract people from where the REAL power lie”…. I’m paraphrasing of course, but it’s true here too SUCH an extreme and it’s like no one else is paying attention because it’s SCIENCE fiction…  If fucking Danielle Steele had written it there would be 55 million screaming housewives hanging effigies of McCain in the streets…

So remember keep looking for future moments out of the RNC from your favorite 80’s show’s and movies:

You’ll be seeing the ‘don’t do drugs’ episode of ‘Family Ties‘ or anything starring Kirk Cameron, though I gotta admit he PROBABLY signed over the rights to the RNC…

There will HAVE to be everyone’s FAVORITE ‘rock out’ montage moment from Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink Revenge of the Nerds or The Breakfast Club

Look for John McCain, in silhouette, dancing his way through a barn and around dangerous farming implements ala Kevin Bacon in ‘Footloose‘….  By the way, it’s NOT REALLY McCain in the long shot’s, I just want to let you folks down in advance…

I’d say the RNC has ‘jumped the shark’ but jump the shark jumped the shark when they became popular right???

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