Has anyone seen the BigSpot.Com commercials?…  With the guy that has the neck basket?…

Somewhere out there in America is a really pissed off inventor,…  He thought he was going to change the world with the neck basket,…    then along comes Big Spot Dot Com to destroy his dreams of a world where Flava Flav still has fashion pull

That is a company with a really bold group of Executives though,…   Big Spot Dot Com, I mean what other company has the balls to make everyone that hears it’s name think of a big menses spot on the mattress that is the internet?…

read more

An Executive Assistant with ‘do not disturb orders’ holds off a Zombie horde as his boss is oblivious and continually interrupting defensive efforts with personal requests.

read more

Over the next few weeks I’m working on memorizing a new set (5-7 minutes) to start doing at the open mics starting in the beginning of August here in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Most of my stuff I think of on the fly will still be going up to twitter so you can see some jokes there and I will probably just repost the thoughts here as well until I start to work out the rest of the bit.

But I’m not going to be posting what I consider to be a finished ‘starting bit’ (that being a beginning of a bit that is not entirely developed like maybe about a 30 second to 1 minute joke which can eventually grow to a 5 or 10 minute bit if it seems popular and you keep adding to it). Those ‘starting bits’ are basically the type of the stuff I’ve posted here over the years.

None of them are the same anymore, so whatever I’m working on (I’m not telling) is not the same as what was written here. It’s gotten better!

I’m pretty satisfied with the way my writing has progressed over the last two years, when I look back it’s easy for me to see the changes and progression from being too ‘wordy’ (a lesson learned by doing an open mic and working the joke on stage) to better use of imagery and language. I also learned a major lesson one night in that I will NEVER AGAIN count on a club providing a needed prop for a joke (I was counting on a working Mic stand, silly me, as part of a joke). And at this time I’ve only been out about 16 times in the last 2 years.

So this is the point I am at in my Comedy/Writing career:
–Building what I feel will be my first decently written and original 5-7 minute set.
–Beginning to work that material on stage more frequently, people at my house laugh at my stuff but they don’t want to sit through the show 5 nights a week. My goal is to be going out to an Open Mic five nights a week by the end of August 2010. I have places I know of for Wednesday and Thursday nights, so I need to figure out the other 3 nights that fit in best with my personal family life.
–Goal, try to get paid in actual American currency for doing my stuff before the end of 2010.

So there we go three reasonable goals for me. What’s on your list?

read more

BP seems to think they have the Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico contained and under control…  So it seems it’s all over now.

But stuff can wash ashore for years when you least expect it…   Just ask Scott Peterson

And I’m sure as soon as he can get the dick/cock/member out of his toothless bloody mouth he will agree…

I also had a thought regarding the clean up,…  If everyone going to/visiting the Gulf Coast over the next few years picked up & mailed just 1 Tar Ball to BP corporate headquarters & a network news anchor of their choice,….   the post office might smell better,…  eventually…

read more

Does anyone here like Iced Coffee?…  Yeah!…  I can’t stand it!

There are 3 things that should always be hot…   Coffee, Women & Burning Napalm Stuck to babies and children as they run down the street…   At least that’s what they used to make us sing in the Army as we exercised…

I can’t stand Iced Coffee yet I love Iced Tea,…  But I’ve always enjoyed sticking it to the British, not just when they were destroying the Gulf of Mexico

BP seems to have repaired their ‘little inconvenience’ but honestly I think they had help we’re not hearing about,…   They cut off and capped the tip, this sounds like the work of a Moyel!

I mean sure it appears they’ve stopped the leak but really it’s the ‘gift that keeps on giving’…  MMMM, wait till you smell the Gulf Coast come late August!

There’s nothing like the smell of rotting flesh and carcasses washing ashore to really let you know that Autumn is just around the corner,…   Maybe the Gulf states can advertise it likes trips to Vermont in October…  “Missing the smell of week old tuna cans in the trash?  Well come to Florida!  Discounted Sushi all winter long for the 2010-11 season!”

read more

Statistically speaking, if you’re going to be shot, you’re going to be shot by someone you know

Personally speaking, if I’m going to be shot, I’d prefer an to be shot by an expert

I figure there are fewer ‘issues’ that way…

The problem is, I’m the only expert marksman I know personally, and I don’t believe in using guns for suicide…

Why give the anti-gun lobbies any more ammunition…

read more