I was sitting at home the other day minding my own business and suddenly a booming yet annoyingly perky and upbeat feminine voice on TV empirically stated:

“Vagasil anti-itch medicated wipes could change your life”…

Now I’d just like to say…

Yes,…  they in fact DID change my life,…  just like you said commercial,…

But I’m still not comfortable being called out on it in my living room like that…

I DO have friends over on occasion…

I have an idea for another iPhone Application that I’m going to begin developing…

It’s a video game you can play using your colonoscopy feed streaming live as the background image…  Right now the ‘working title’ is “Anal Invaders”….  But that may change after I do some market research….

I figure it will give patients with an iPhone (or 3G phone) something to do while their on the table with that video camera up their bum….

Karl Malden died yesterday and not one news helicopter circled his house?!?!?!?  What the hell, I guess you have to buy your way out of at least 2 child molestation cases to get any attention in L.A. anymore…

It’s sad really, if you think about it….

In the last couple of weeks we’ve lost 2 of the most interesting and evolving noses in this great land of ours…  First Michael now Karl…  What’s to become of us?!?!…  Cher’s going to have to come out of retirement…

Really, I mean one kept getting smaller and the other did nothing but continue to get bigger and just fucking mutate into this sort of diorama of some kind of ancient Greek tragedy on this guys face!!!

I’m gonna miss you Karl…

I really love my gig, but it’s more than a little annoying when your told to come in to work for a system wide inspection and be there at 6am for the testing to begin and then given bum information from the start…..

“I’m here to lead the 6am testing group through the facility” says me.

“Oh, well all the testers were told to go and come back at 9am” says the unknown meeting leader who just finished the morning report in front of the group…

“Oh” says I, “well they’ll have trouble inspecting the O.R. if they try after 8am cause that’s when all the surgery starts”…

So I give him my contact info and head back to the office to enjoy the coffee I had to leave up there anyway cause of the stupid meeting…

2.5 hours later I am told there was a ‘mis-communication’ and they are already testing in another area so I need to get down there…

So to those of you who are vets out there, just know this, you WILL find a home in the civilian workforce….

Who cares, they paid me for 3 hours for doing basically nothing…

Saw ANOTHER commercial stating that 1 in 3 men will ‘develop’ Prostate Cancer…  Of COURSE they have something to sell you to help prevent it…

This makes me think 1 in 3 men need to ‘get over it’ and either lower their ‘standards’ to find a partner or just let go (so to speak) of their sexual hang ups and start wanking off by themselves ALOT more…

It’s what I tell my wife every time she catches me….  “Honey, it’s just GOOD HEALTH”….   Plus it’s ALOT cheaper than the refills….  Now that I think about it I could handle the refills….  Sorry….

What can’t a man “exercise” his prostate and not be stared at in the train station anymore….

Though I do admit that whole “Stand behind the yellow line rule” makes ALOT more sense to me now than it did before….

I may have picked a bad time to start being a professional comedian….

George Carlin and Bernie Mac both have died since I made my decision….   It would be just about my luck to pick a profession just at the time some type of plague came out that specifically targeted that group….

No, it’s not a Black day at all….