A friend of mine recently said, “All I can say is that time is like Silly Putty”….

I got caught shoplifting Silly Putty when I was a kid…

This made me think…

So what your saying is that: What I was trying to steal was time… Which is really a construct of our particular planets orbit around our particular star in combination with it’s rotation… Which is irrelevant on a universal or infinite scale…

I knew that Security Guard at Montgomery Wards was full of shit…  Permanent record my ass…

I’m just waiting for some moron in the audience to say God is like a Slinky…  I’ll fucking lose it!!…

In the event that a black hole begins to consume the planet tomorrow, it will start from Europe…  Man you guys have some luck over there, first you have Hitler, Mussolini, that French guy Sarkozy and now this…

Well it’s comforting to know that if they destroy the earth tomorrow I should ‘theoretically’ have time to max out all my credit cards before the black hole get’s here…  So if the world end’s tomorrow I won’t be posting just so you know…

I also find it amusing to think that even if we destroy the earth the space cockroaches and sea monkeys will survive…

(But just so you know, Stephen Hawking is betting against the end of the earth tomorrow…  so there’s that.)

Someone recently asked me this question, rather incredulously too I might add, when they learned I was an Atheist…  Since I get tired of answering this question I wanted to just post it here and then in the future I will be able to just ‘cut and paste’ my reply,….   Thanks for your patience:

I believe in String Theory.

I really don’t want a debate, but it’s early PST so that COULD change…

The problem with religion is that 90% of the world population become the same religion as their parents, there is no ’soul searching’ going on in that instance… It’s just something you ‘believe’ because you were taught to do so by your parents… And MOST believe it to a point of fanatical and illogical ranting when they hear ANY opinion that does not agree with their own…

My Grandfather (Mom’s father) was a Minister for the Church of the Nazarene (till his death), my Aunt (Father’s sister) is a Minister for the Wesleyan Church, I have been to those, Methodist churches, Catholic churches, Jewish Synagogue’s, Baptist churches and I mean BAPTIST churches too brother (both with and WITHOUT the snake handling)…

I went to Bible Studies on multiple occasions in any given week while I was maturing…

So where do I get what drives me… I have faith in HUMANITY, other living breathing PEOPLE… True some of them let you down, but then again MANY of them don’t. But in the end THEY determine their own fate and place in MY life based upon their ACTIONS…

I believe that math and science CAN explain everything, we just don’t have all the information required to complete the equation for EVERYTHING… Please don’t start that old argument..

I’m glad that you feel that religion has what you feel you need to make your life complete, I just don’t require that particular ‘mass delusion’ to live my day to day existence… And I don’t mean the phrase ‘mass delusion’ as an insult, it’s just the way I look at it… Any form of religion is a cult, it’s just that yours is larger than most, it being Christianity…

Man glad I didn’t want to ‘debate’ huh…

Guilt and regret are a waste of your time….  People probably think that’s a little self involved but then isn’t everything???   I mean your not really living your life for someone else are you….  EVERYTHING you do is self involved, even if it’s taking care of your own elves (kids)….  I mean you are the reason they’re here after all, you were so self involved you refused to put on a condom or at least allowed her to talk you OUT of wearing one, either way…  Self involved….

I have 3 kids, though honestly one of them was only mine briefly….  If there was anything I was going to regret it would have been not getting to see her more often….   But then divorce, military service, geography and the financial constraints of the world had a great deal to do with that as well, I mean I still had to make a living right?….  Anyway, she’s an adult now and doing fine on her own….  And I get to talk to her quite a bit now so that’s a bonus!

My other two boys are both still in their ‘little people’ fazes…..  One of them will be forever actually….  My older son has Down Syndrome, which freaks some people out…..  Let me give you a little tip, he’s just like you….  Only nicer….  The kids life is honestly golden, he’s what medical professionals call ‘high functioning’….   They used the same phrase in reference to me on occasion, but I think it had a different connotation in that situation as they also stated I was ‘manipulative’ (again who isn’t?)….  He’s constantly on a quest to make people laugh and then he’ll query, “Am I funny?”….   We’re still trying to figure out where he gets that from….

The kids a little flirt too, he runs right up to women (only the good looking ones mind you, he’s got Down Syndrome, he’s not stupid) and will start hugging them simply because he KNOWS he can get away with it….  Honestly, I’d do the same, if I thought I had a chance in hell of being allowed to do so…

I think, if I was going to have a regret in my life, it would be that I’m not going to be able to be there and protect him from the lame stupidity of Jr. High School and High School, as he’s started the former this year….  So I’ve done the next best thing….  Since he was about 3 I’ve been teaching him basic Aikido….  Some of you may think this is not a good idea, but you’d be WRONG….   When he was 5 some little punk 7 year old thought it would be funny to push him around on the playground….  That’s when my little man threw the penis wrinkle into a fence and bloodied his nose…. He’s 12 now and has a lot more throwing power, in addition to some really good wrist locks, so some of those Jr. High kids should REALLY fly….

I’ve gotta admit, that was an EXCEPTIONALLY FUN DAY though….   See they decided since he couldn’t recount the story to them that he must have started it….  I remember going in there and talking to him, once I was able to cobble together the true story and get the little turd ball that started it to admit he started it….  I really enjoyed berating the neophytes that administered that little school….  Plus the other kid’s Dad just looked totally flummoxed once he realized his little prince was a crap bag fop and got his ass kicked by a special needs child to boot!….  I bet that kid got REAMED when he got in the car away from everyone else, but who cares he deserved it….   I bought my son ice cream on the way home!

Son #2 is just like any other kid who’s father has been explaining the finer points of String Theory and Particle Physics to him since he was 3….  Poor kid asks about a star and gets a 20 minute lecture….  But he GETS it….  It’s nice when you can sit down and watch a program about dark matter and black holes with an 8 year old and he ENJOYS IT!!!….  He’s been on the Aikido program since 3 too, but luckily for him he’s never had to use it, it would be rare but nice if he never did but I truly doubt that….  Sure we’ve moved away from the majority of the moronic and racist contingent in this country, by relocating as far away from the south as possible while not moving to a different continent but as I’ve learned in my own life, STUPID IS UNIVERSAL…..  I’m sure his day is coming but he’s better prepared than I was at his age for it….

I don’t do regret, but now that they’ve started a new school year I’m missing having my boys around the house a bit….  Sure it makes it hard to code when they’re here but I’m an insomniac anyway so it’s not like I wouldn’t be up at 2am in any event…..   Getting distracted by them in the daylight just gives me something to work on in the moonlight.

I love conspiracy nuts, people who are always ready to believe that EVERYTHING has some element of conspiracy involved….

There are even people out there who believe that Rainbows are some sort of government conspiracy, no kidding check out the link,…

I believe it’s a sign too…..  that THOSE PEOPLE have missed their meds….  But I have family that’s kind of wacky too so I know the signs….   Not the ‘conspiracy signs’ the ‘crazy folk that missed their meds’ signs…

I’ve even been out in the desert north of Area 51 (Groom Lake) at 2:30am,….  you don’t really want to know why….  Oh well, ok, I in fact had missed MY meds, Prozac… It’s a long story let’s just say they didn’t ‘agree’ with me and leave it at that…  I’ll get to it eventually, it falls under the ‘Things to do when your in the desert late at night and driving to amuse yourself’ joke file….

Point is there were all these nut jobs just ‘hanging out’ there at 2:30am when I pulled up….  Everyone of them…  (looking up)….  like turkeys in a rainstorm….   Every flash or meteorite they saw was a sign of alien’s here on earth….  I got to the point where I just started pointing at random shit and saying, “There’s one!!!”…..  APPARENTLY I was pretty good at it too cause they all saw EVERYTHING I pointed out!

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is life out there, it’s a mathematical certainty there is no question as far as I’m concerned…  It’s just that I don’t think that we’re really all that interesting to them….

Maybe as some type of long term study project, but I really doubt any ARTICLES are being written and published by any E.T. scientist is all I’m saying….

Plus, who knows, maybe WE’RE the control group…..  Yeah that’s scary shit right there, it’s POSSIBLE that we’re the one’s who have it way easy….

The rocket loaded with Scotty’s ashes failed to make it to space…..

Kind of ironic that the guy known for giving his commanding officer ‘more power’ on any occassion was ultimately unable to get his own fat ass into orbit for his final repose (or failing grab for fame may be more accurate here)….

Take THAT Alanis Morissette…  that’s REAL IRONY…  write that up in a little ditty….