Being a parent you have to watch some really unbearable stuff for a certain period,…   I mean it’s not too bad the first time,…   but kids have no long term memory…    it’s like their little black out drunks…

They watch something and then they watch it again…  Sponge Bob is funny on occasion, but not when your waking up at 6:30 to get everyone out the door…

Then there are those OTHER show’s…  the one’s that you have to wait till the kids have outgrown them to criticize them…  Or at least till YOUR kid’s have outgrown them…  SO…

F@#%king Sesame Street is totally unrealistic…  Can you tell me where the drug dealers are?….

Their OBVIOUSLY there somewhere…  People are talking to a f@#%king Snuffleupagus folks…  They make dinner plans with a giant yellow bird!!!…   There is a big blue ‘Meth head‘ that’s hooked on “cookies” and obviously needs some time in rehab…   He need’s time to ‘reconnect’ with himself, time to heal…

There is a green dude that lives in a garbage can…  Well ok, THAT part is realistic, but you get my point…

I think the drug dealers are the one’s running the camera’s…  So this WHOLE show is really just a ‘Dealer’s Eye View’ of the world…

See it’s all subliminal man….   Weed isn’t the gateway drug folks, cookies are…

200 years ago I coulda been a ‘Jefferson type’, a Renaissance Man, maybe I could of been a friend of his…  But in today’s society most of the people I meet socially sell weed…   Their very enterprising really…  You’d be amazed at how many skills and trades they work in…  sorry back to my point…

I work with computers and write, I’ve managed businesses (successfully, that’s important by the way), worked in insurance, accounting, corporate finance, the airline industry (during 9/11), health care, driven trucks, shoveled doody and entertainment…

Today, I stand here before you making ‘pithy’ remarks…

It’s funny how in today’s society being a ‘Polymath‘ is kind of looked down upon…  University’s are no longer institutions of learning for the sake of knowledge…  Their trade schools…  you used to go to school to learn and then AFTER school you’d pick a trade…

But all that’s tough to get through during an interview…  So now I write jokes and work out of the house…

Not that I miss fighting traffic,…  the coffee hogs who never make a fresh damned pot…  that’s just rude…  my Mom didn’t even drink coffee but she’d smack you upside the head for that one…  I don’t miss the ‘office politics’…  Or all the women undressing me with their eyes…  it’s just uncomfortable…  Hey!, my eyes are up here Miss…

Somewhere along the way everyone has forgotten to ‘just be’…  We’re all in a rush…  gotta pick a career, what are you going to do with your future…  never mind a 17 yr old can’t be trusted to pick out a matching shirt in the morning…  what’s your religion, what do you believe, how many hours can you work, can you stay late, when are you coming in, pick up the laundry, go to the store, pay the bills, go back to work, I hate this job, but you gotta pay the bills… or you won’t be able to pay for the cards and the tv then they’ll take the car, the house, then the kids…

That’s why I just smack myself in the face once a day with a ball peen hammer and ‘relax’…

What, were you expecting something “deep” at the end of this???  I told you in the beginning I make ‘pithy’ remarks…  If you want answers you need to go to one of those “Sit Down” philosophers….

Some friends and I were sitting around the other day brainstorming…

We were thinking of starting up an Emo Philips tribute band…  Which got a lot more complicated once we realized he had no songs and no real discernible musical ability to speak of whatsoever…

And he’s only one guy….

So there you go, another afternoon shot to hell and nothing to show for my weed…

If you should happen to be so geek chic that you get why this number was significant (at least it was at 3:31:30 PM Pacific) I just want to tell you to take a moment……

Sit down…..

Turn your brain to 0 (zero) and just relax…..

Sorry no one other than ‘us’ got that joke…

Now get ready cause 4:20 is coming up soon and it’s a little more ‘universal’….

A couple of months ago ( June 4th to be exact) I made a prediction to a group of friends on a private bulletin board regarding Mr. Obama and his chances of surviving to become the new President or if he became President how long he had before the nut jobs started coming out of the woodwork….  I’ve lived in the south, so knowing the pedigree and minimal cranial capacity of the average citizen in the area…..  It really was not too hard to be honest….

Basically, I had said a loon would be making an attempt between September of 2008 through February of 2011,…..   So the person we’ll here fore to refer to as ‘Low Watt Bulb #1‘ decided to DISCUSS his ploy in his Bail Bondsman Training session with the rest of the class….  Maybe they were brainstorming and he thought, “This is the PERFECT time to get some outside input on my ruse!”….  Who knows, perhaps it was the potency of the local weed….   Though having lived in Florida I gotta say if that’s it then the herbal remedy in Michigan must REALLY suck….

Another major fuck up, listen close here kiddies, he decided to tell the Secret Service agents that were interviewing him,  “If I wanted to take him out I’d just use a Sniper rifle,….  Just kidding!”….  Really he told the Secret Service Agent JUST KIDDING….   Have you ever seen these SS guys in person?  Big chuckles are really not what you should be going for at this juncture in your life here buddy….

Also, why is it every time one of these nuts is caught dead to rights some bleeding heart piss ant always gets in front of the press and starts saying, “He was the nicest person you’d ever want to meet….  Give you the shirt right off his back he would….  He’d never hurt a fly…”   It’s like I’m watching the “Who shot Buck Wheat” coverage from SNL back in the early 80′s,…  Do you think he could do this, “Oh yes, he was ALWAYS saying he was going to shoot Obama!”….

Case and point, for our current psycho with the required 3 names, we get this lovely bunch of fertilizer from his girlfriend, who here fore to shall be referred to as ‘Low Watt Bulb #2‘….

Now no offense but I don’t really trust the judgment of a 35 year old barfly chick who felt that dating a 22 yr old moron was a good life choice,….   he was probably abusive to her too,….  Cause you know that’s hot right?…..  I’ve never understood the whole ‘damaged girl’ syndrome,….  If I’d only ‘slapped’ a few chicks around during my youth I probably would have been WAY more popular with the ladies…..

Oh, to go back and tell the 18 yr old me what I know now…..

Keep your Pimp hand strong out there gentlemen.

Have you seen Willard Scott on the Today Show?……

I can’t help it but every time I see him do his shtick, for some reason I always think…. wouldn’t it be weird if when he finally dies we found out that he was a centenarian serial killer and all those old folks he likes to show the pictures of each morning were his victims/trophies?!?!?

Though seeing some of those pictures I gotta figure SOME of them are volunteering….  What, it doesn’t look to me like ANY of those people are having FUN here anymore, why else would you mail a serial killer your home address AND a current photo?

Hey, it’s just a thought…. thoughts aren’t wrong…. twisted…, sick…., morose maybe but they’re never really wrong!